I’ve never used this space to express political opinions, but ’tis the season, and in truth, I’m a bit of a junkie for the stuff. Mind you, I’m happiest when I pay exactly no attention to politics, but the stakes are awfully high this year. No one should put their head in the sand.
I’m here to lay out the case for what I think might become of the Trump campaign sometime around, oh…, early October. I’ve not heard this speculated elsewhere, and I’ll grant that it’s pretty outlandish, but then again, have we ever seen political season like this before?
I’ll say right up front that #ImWithHer, or as Bill Maher suggests we call her, The Notorious HRC. Is she a perfect candidate? No. But President Obama was spot on when he said at last week’s DNC Convention that there has never been any candidate more qualified for the job.
In contrast, Donald Trump is a narcissistic, potentially sociopathic serial liar without nuance or any grasp of policy and the legislative process. Plus, he’s a mean man. He just is. He’s the least qualified candidate for the job in my lifetime.
As I write this, a Fox News has just released a poll (yes, Fox News) indicating that the voter gap has increased with HRC now at 49% and The Donald at 39%. Today’s headlines consistently point to a hot, hot mess both within the campaign and within the GOP. Read a few of the headlines from this 24-hour news cycle here, here, here, here, and here.
Look, this election is NOT in the bag. Polls are pointing in my preferred direction, but the only poll that matters happens on November 8.
So, to my fellow HRC supporters, lest you think you can keep your pretty selves home that day because your vote won’t matter, I have one word for you: Brexit.
Brexit was never supposed to happen. The polls said so. So what did our anti-Brexit folks across the pond do? They stayed home because the weather was bad and they thought they’d win anyway! Now Britain and Europe are scrambling to decouple without throwing themselves into the English Channel and a deep, deep recession.
On a positive note, it’s a good time to go taunt a Beefeater in person.
I digress. Back to my point: Trump has a problem, and it’s YUGE.
Its clear that the promised behavioral “pivot” to the general election isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Trump is Trump. And if the polling gap continues—or even widens—Trump is going to have to find a way out of this without looking like the thing he seems to hate most: a Loser.
How might he deflect?
Well, he’s dropping more turds along the path suggesting that the elections will be rigged. That’s been tried plenty of times in the past, and the tactic will work with some people. But without proof of widespread election rigging — which many have tried to hunt down in the past without much success — this excuse won’t work with the larger population. He’s still going to be a loser.
Donald needs another excuse—but so do his kids.
Yep, the kids.
I’m not here to joke about them. I’m here to note that the Trump progeny, the oldest in particular, are inexorably tied to the Trump brand. It is their life force, and if the Trump brand goes down like a towering inferno, they go down with it:
- Donald, Jr.: Executive Vice President with the Trump Organization; Co-founder, Trump Hotel Collections.
- Ivanka: Vice President of Acquisitions and Development for The Trump Organization; Owner of her own Ivanka line of clothing, shoes, and jewelry.
- Eric: Executive Vice President of Acquisitions and Development for The Trump Organization; Owner, Trump Winery; Head of the Eric Trump Foundation.
Tiffany is still in her early 20s, of course, but let’s assume she was planning to parlay her bloodline into a reported career as a pop star. You can listen to her single here. You be the judge.
As for Barron? Let’s leave the kiddo alone.
Trump’s children must be going nuts. No one predicted their dad would get this far. They could never have imagined spending their days as they do now—as surrogates sent out each day to defend and clean up their father’s ludicrous messes. And with every gaffe that they make in the public eye, they see their own reputations—and the mighty Trump brand—melting like the Wicked Witch of the West.
As much as the GOP establishment wants to shut this mess down, the kids want it even more. And Trump will buy in if it means he can avoid looking like a loser.
Here’s my wild speculation: come early October, Donald Trump will announce that he’s been diagnosed with an illness, and this illness will prevent him from continuing to campaign. He will be able to attribute an overwhelming loss at the polls to this illness. He will save face, his kids will save face, and it will all be total bullshit.
So what will this mysterious illness be?
Well, it sure as hell won’t be a mental illness. Narcissists don’t believe in that sort of thing. And it won’t be something as simple as exhaustion, because might suggest he’s not up to the task of running for President. Donald would never go for these.
I’m no doctor, and I can’t pinpoint the perfect faux illness, but here, I believe, are some possible qualities we can look forward to in his public statement on whatever “it” is:
- “It” is in its “early stages.” While potentially very grave, he and his doctor are 100% sure he’ll be healthy enough to assume the Presidency in January.
- Trump may acknowledge that he felt “a bit off,” so he went to his doc for a checkup, and that’s how “it” was detected.
- Details of “it” will not be released, except to say that medical experts (the BEST!!) have insisted he rest and undergo tests for the next several weeks.
- Trump and his family will not comment further, and they will all ask that the press and the public respect their privacy as he weighs his “options.”
- Trump will continue to campaign… through Twitter.
Think about it — it works!
- Trump will be off the hook for losing the Presidency (and, not for nothing, I don’t think he ever wanted to do the job in the first place).
- Trump, his kids, and that precious Trump brand will live to fight another day.
- BONUS: He’ll get tons of sympathy and donations from his base!
What do you think? Any thoughts on what that mystery illness might be?? Is this really too crazy an idea for this particular election cycle?
Chime in with your comment — this could be fun!!